01 Dec 2012 - 03:02:52 pm
(STATUS UPDATE : I am Khryztie. A young happy girl. Its December 1st and I am dreaming.
" Will you marry me? " he says. I look at his face and smiles. He's not bad looking. Won't I form a little effizzy just like the adults do? Of course I will. I am about to say " I will think about it " when something screams my name.
" Khryztie! " I yank my eyes open. OMG its mum. she is standing, holding a very long cane that's ready to strike.
" How many times have I warned you about oversleeping? " She barks. I glance at the wall clock; 05:10am. In the real world, people wake up in the morning which I think starts by 06:00am.
" But mummy........... " as if complaining would be of any help.
" Don't But me. you don't realise that men will soon start coming for your hand in marriage. Now before i close my eyes and open it, let me find you up and doing. You know we are expecting visitors today ". Yea right. Thats true. And by visitors, she means one woman.
" But what of Amarachi? "
" She's in the kitchen washing up the dishes. " What! Amarachi, already up, in the kitchen, washing up dishes? Way to kick an ass. She has already beat me to it. It was really a bad omen waking up with mum's wrath. I jump out of bed.

(STATUS UPDATE: TIME: 02:15pm. The house is unusually quiet. Seems like mum has forgotthen our existence or there are no duties to manufacture and delegate. Time to steal a nap)
" Khryztie! " Mum yells. Well! Guess she hasn't forgotten.
" Khryztie! " Louder. I wonder if mum has forgotten that her daughter has two functional ears. Whats up with the yelling?
" Oma! " Her throat could probably be at the bursting point now.
" Ooops! " I call back. Hope she doesn't hear that. I race to her room.
" Go to the garage. I think your father left a pair of his shoes there. And I wonder, When will dad change? This garage is not a place of pleasure. The thought of the place alone gives me cold. That place is as dark and wierd as my maths teacher. How can dad keep forgetting his belongings there? and how can mum keep picking me as a candidate to be sent to the Eke's garage?
I grumble to the garage. Searching all over the possible places it could be. Well, its nowhere to be found. I guess dad will be in a better positiion to fish out wherever he kept a pair of his shoes. I turn to go. What the hell was that? The shoe just landed on my head now. I rotate to investigate the angle from which it came. Alas! there is a smally hooded creature rightly behind me. I said it. There are witches and wizards in this garage and now I've been captured not dad. I break down in tears.
" Please, let me go. My daddy forgot his pair of shoes here and i'm just here to pick it up. Please just let me go and i promise never to step foot in this place again. " I plead
" Oh poor big sis. I bet you'll never step foot in his place again " It starts laughing
" Thats the name of this cute........... what did you think i am? "
" Little brat. I should have known it was you. What's up with this hood? " She pats my nose and says " Dummy, its called costume. " Exactly the way she keeps correcting me. Whatever happened to her respect.

(STATUS UPDATE: TIME: 04:35pm. Visitor is here and she brought something very exciting. A dish of Chicken parts)
" Khryztie! " There we go again. I guess you know who's yelling; mum. " bia para efo o dowe a kitchen " I didnt clearly understand what she said or meant but I think it sounds good. I carry the plate of meat and head straight to the children's room. Amarachi hops in after me
" What are you doing with that? " She asks a lot of questions
" Mummy said we should eat"
" WOW! " She shuts the door behind her, obviously wading off distractions. This is the type of sister I have.

(STATUS UPDATE: TIME: 05:10pm. visitor just left. Mum has found out about the meat. Thanks to Amarachi. She went to say Thank you. We are both kneeling down with our hands up and eyes closed.)
" Amarachi, tell me what happened to the meat. "
" Mummy, its Khryztie that brought the meat to the room and said you asked us to eat. "
" Khryztie is that true? "
" Yes mummy. "
" So when did I give you that go ahead order? "
" Mummy that was what I heard you say in Ohafia. I guess I heard wrong"
" Nkem! " She calls out for dad
" Chy! " That's dad's romantic way of calling his wife, our mother
" Come o. This children have pratically eaten a whole adult chicken. " She rates top in exaggeration.
" chai! can we get another one? " God bless my father. He is the kind-hearted one.
" Wait o. Where is the gizzard? " Mum asks
" What's a gizzard? " That is the questionnaire; Amarachi.
" Gizzard is the nyash of a fowl usually eaten by a male. " Dad explains
" How does it look? cos I guess we didn't come across anything like that." It actually sounds disgusting
"It's the smallest part of the meat. " says mum
" WHAT! " That is a unity scream from Amarachi and I
" It's oval in shape? " I really need to know
" Exactly " confirms dad
" OMG. That was the first one we ate. You know, from simple to complex " I feel like throwing up right now
" In that case, This matter is no longer in our hands. All the Chicken will be coming here tonight to ask for their nyash which you girls ate. " Mum sounds scary.

(STATUS UPDATE: TIME: 08:00pm. It's bedtime. We are prepared for the war against the chicken world. We are surrounded with all weapons of warfare.)

...............................This events took place exactly on the said date and time.....................fifteen years ago.

Admin · 213 views · 4 comments
Categories: gossip, Diary
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Comment from: Admin [ Member ]
YANDA, hope i did it right. This is the first article dat i wrote in the present.
   2012-12-01 @ 04:46:48 pm
Comment from: Lanre [ Visitor ] Website
Again, brilliant, with a touch of humour. Well written.
   2012-12-02 @ 04:59:45 pm
Comment from: fiona [ Visitor ]
Christie,u neva cease to make me burst out with lafta.ur a good writer dear.i tried not lafn bt it didnt rily work out as i planned.ur good
   2012-12-06 @ 11:14:02 am
Comment from: Admin [ Member ]
Tnx bestie. Watch out for more.
   2012-12-06 @ 12:15:56 pm

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