02 Mar 2013 - 01:13:02 pm
Are women meant to like wrestling? My elder sister does and she used me to practice her moves while we were growing up. Am not saying am a wimp or anything it’s just that she took my fathers size and strength and left me with very little. But now we’re all grown up and it’s a happy time in the family because my elder sister has finally found Mr. Right. She has had her fair share of guy troubles (which she is very sensitive about) so we’re thankful she’ll soon be strolling down the aisle. With so much love in the air I decide to send my sister a bible verse on love and ask my wife to text one to me. She sends me 1John 4vs 7&8 and I tuck it away to be sent later that day.

Its 4 o’clock and I get a call from my wife, she says my sister is at my place fuming over a bible verse I sent and she wants to know what I sent to her. I check my phone and see I sent John 4vs 18 instead of 1 John 4vs 7 &8 and the bible verse I sent reads “I know you have no husband infact you have had five husbands and the man you're with isn’t even your husband”. Memories of childhood beatings come flooding back but I shrug them off. I am a man now; my sister can’t come to MY house and intimidate me. I’ll just go home and tell her it was all a little mistake.

Its 5o’clock and as I open the front door I see my elder sister’s bloodshot eyes staring through a window. The minute she sees me she rushes at me looking like an electrocuted bush rat. I take off with speed that would make usain bolt jealous. As I sprint to my car I hear her shouting “Na me you dey call ashawo, wait make I show you how I dey cut firewood for house” I make it to my car and speed off. As a wise man once said “he who lives to run away…………………… or something like that

As I drive I ask “why me?” and a voice replies “why not you?”hmmmmmmmmmmm. This situation is more serious then I thought. There’s only one person that can cool down my elder sister and that’s my belligerent grandma. As I begin dialing her number I remember she has a serious hearing problem so I drive over to pick her up instead. It will all be sorted out in no time

Its 6.30p.m and I am on my way home with grandma. As I drive I look in the rear view mirror and grandma asks “what are you looking at boy? Nothing grandma just my reflection. You have got an Attention? No ma I said I was just looking at my reflection. What is it about your reflection that’s giving you an Attention? You got problems boy. I sigh; this is going to be a long day.

Its 8.30p.m and I enjoy a cold shower. After alot of explaining we settled it all with minimal violence. As I walk downstairs to cuddle my wife I see her watching a sci –fi film on television. There’s this man in a spaceship with frantic eyes, sweating profusely and screaming location 123, location 123, you sent me the wrong co-ordinates am not heading to the moon am heading to the sun. Apollo 16 this is location, we can’t hear you. I said you sent the wrong co-ordinates AM HEADING TO THE SUN. This is location, we cant heeeeeeeeeear you. Well I definitely know how that films going to end. My wife hears me, turns off the T.V and puts on Kenny G. As we cuddle together I think of her and my lovely daughter and say to myself “this is the life” a voice asks “why you?” and I reply “why not me”
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